Severe Tire Damage: Chris Killed Your Dog

(Russ Haines)


Russ' landlady adopted what might once have been a poodle, before it started losing hair and its hips locked up. Her daughter's boyfriend hired Chris to euthanize the dog one day while she was at work. Taking it to the local vet, he explained that he wanted the body back, so he could give it a dignified burial. He snuck into the house shortly before she got home. When she arrived, she found that "Cuddles" had passed away in his little doggie bed...

So far as anyone knows, she still doesn't know about this. Yet.


Russ sez:

A true story. Probably our favorite song to play live. More than a little over the top by the time we get to the end. It also has the only two-handed tapping solo on the album; a cliche I usually try to avoid, but useful here.


Listen:

You know they put him up to it, it wasn't very nice
They handed him the dog and made him name his price
The dog was old and deaf and it couldn't even see
When it got a heaping helping of his hospitality

 Chris Killed your dog, They paid him well
 Now your dog is roasting in the fires of hell
 Chris Killed your dog, They paid him well
 Now your dog is wormfood in Purina worm chow

He smiled a bit looked around and tossed it in the car
Slammed the door said, "Shut up cunt, we aren't going far."
That doggie whimpered, moaned and whined it didn't want go
Chris just lit another joint and turned up the radio

 Chris Killed your dog, They paid him well
 Now your dog is roasting in the fires of hell
 Chris Killed your dog, They paid him well
 Now your dog is wormfood in Purina worm chow

Guitar Solo

 When the dog stopped twitching, in case you have some doubts
He brought the body back and then he left in in your house
It was later that same night when I heard your mother say
I really loved that dog it's too bad he passed away

   Chris Killed your dog, They paid him well
   Now your dog is roasting in the fires of hell
   Chris Killed your dog, They paid him well
   Now your dog is wormfood in Purina worm chow

He only got ten dollars and it went right to his head
He'd do it all again 'cause he always needs the bread
I don't want you to get worried I hope you can stay calm
But he overheard you bitching just how much you hate your mom

   Chris Killed your dog, They paid him well
   Now your dog is roasting in the fires of hell
   Chris Killed your dog, They paid him well
   Now your dog is wormfood in Purina worm chow

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